3 Tips for Navigating Custody Changes after Divorce

Custody and the Single Parent

Custody. It’s one of the biggest battles we face as single parents going through divorce. And even after a custody schedule becomes normal, it can change again. And again….And yes, maybe even AGAIN.

Custody is rarely set in stone.

That’s been the case for me throughout my divorce. I went from being a stay at home mom and having my kids every minute of the day……to having them less.

And now my time is shrinking again, to a lot less ….

I am moving to a 50/50 joint physical custody schedule. Not something I ever pictured for myself as a mom. And most definitely not something I want!

But divorce doesn’t typically give us what we want.

And since custody does change, and parenting schedules are part of divorce – here are 3 tips for navigating those dreaded custody changes.

Adapting to Schedule Changes

Maintain a routine: Kids thrive on routines. So it’s even more important to stick to a routine during a custody change. When the kids are with you, be aware of time. Eat dinner around the same time each evening. Maintain a bedtime. Keep activities the same (or eliminate some activities until kids adjust to the new schedule). Do not let go of routines or structure!

Expect behavioral changes: Kids might not like the fact that their entire life is changing- yet again. Even if they love seeing more of one parent, that also means they’re seeing less of the other parent. Kids are resilient, but it takes a while for them to get used big changes like who they live with after divorce. It’s unrealistic and naive to think that custody transitions won’t have negative effects on behavior. So expect it.

Have a (flexible) plan: Plan for your kids, but also plan for yourself. If you had 70% custody at the start of your divorce, and now you have 50% custody – that’s a significant decrease. Be honest with yourself – what will you do with that time? Will you work more? Can you find a new hobby? Do you need to schedule some appointments with a therapist during this transition? It’s better to have a plan and not need to use it….rather than the opposite.

Divorce is hard. Custody changes are hard.

But you are strong – and strong people do hard things.