8 Lessons I’ve Learned as a Single Mom

Well, it’s the last day of 2019, and yes, that’s me on a motorcycle. A Harley Davidson to be specific! There’s a first time for everything, friends!

One year ago I was sobbing my eyes out, mourning the loss of my marriage, of my future dreams, and of a life that I felt had been unfairly snatched away from me. So as I look back on the changes that occurred this year, I thought it wise to share what I’ve learned.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I used to worry about things that were honestly, not a huge deal. Worrying over things that didn’t ever come to fruition was a waste of energy and caused me unnecessary stress. Never once did I worry that my husband would cheat and leave me, but that’s what happened. See my point? It’s the things that we never see coming that blindside us…
2. Life doesn’t go according to plan. We can plan all we want, but sometimes things just happen. It may be the result of other people’s choices, or it just may be life intervening. I learned this year that I can’t control everything, nor should I want to. The beauty of life is that it doesn’t go according to plan and it allows us to grow, change, and adapt to new circumstances. And these new circumstances may turn out better than anything we ever could have planned!
3. Listen to your intuition. I knew something was off in my marriage, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had essentially been manipulated into believing I was “over sensitive” and “difficult” because I asked questions; so I learned to stop voicing my opinions and always tried to smooth things over. This year I learned to trust my gut, and to listen to my intuition, always. If something seems off, it usually is.
4. I’m not alone. There are so many other who are walking my same path. I didn’t choose this path, and never wanted to be on it, but here I am. So it’s important to connect with others who are going through (or have gone through) similar things. It helped me see that there can be true happiness after divorce, and it starts with my perspective.
5. Distance. Yes, there is a lot of information on co-parenting and how to navigate that relationship, but until healing has occurred, it can be very difficult due to high emotions. Everyone needs a bit of distance in order to put their life back together after divorce.
6. Support is essential. I was lucky in the sense that I had family close by, and many friends through a variety of groups I was involved with. I had friends who would listen to me and offered support, a shoulder to cry on, and help with my children.
7. Faith. Faith is huge! My faith went from ” I go to church and bible study and believe in God” to “Hi Jesus, I can feel you talking to me, and holding my hand as I walk towards the light at the end of the tunnel, and away from this hell that I’ve fallen into”. It was crazy, and that’s the only way to describe it. I truly felt like God was telling me that He had better plans for me, and as long as I listened and started moving forward and away from my marriage, He would show me what those plans were. It was a miracle, and like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
8. Life is short. That sounds strange to say, but it truly is! We don’t know how long we will live, or when our last day will be here on earth. So at one point I asked myself, if I only had 5 years left to live, how did I want to spend it? Did I want to stay bitter, and sad? Or did I want to love life and start enjoying it? Yes, it was hard at first, but I kept my chin up, focused on myself and my children, and began to see the possibility of a fresh start. And the possibility of finding happiness again. And now, all of a sudden, it feels like my life is blooming with new experiences – ones that would never have come my way before!

So there you have it. My Great Eight Lessons from 2019…

Happy New Year’s Eve, friends and family. You are my greatest asset!