8 Tips for Overcoming Exhaustion as a Single Parent

Becoming a single parent is not an easy transition. I was used to being married and having two adults in the house, just like you. Even if that second adult isn’t too helpful, it’s still two adults in the house! My change from 2 adults to 1 adult was very sudden. Maybe yours was too. As in, I had one day to adjust to my new reality.

My brain could barely process that my marriage was ending, much less the fact I was going to single parent a 2 year old and just turned 4 year old. I was in shock and completely in survival mode. My mind couldn’t even wrap itself around the new situation because it came so far out of left field. It became “survival mode”.

So here are my tips, based on what helped me navigate that truly awful time. (I had 95% custody for the first 6 months after we split up.) So focus on getting through each day successfully – DO NOT put pressure on yourself to do it all the way you did before….

1. Sleep whenever you get the chance! Stress causes sleep issues and you’re probably not sleeping well at night. So if your kids are little, nap when they nap. Have an older child? Set her up with some art project (keep it simple: paper, markers, etc) and tell her it’s “quiet time” for an hour. (Or use the TV, whatever works for you!) Go to bed early. Sneak in rest whenever you can – it will help fight exhaustion.
2. Accept help from friends and family. Yes, everyone has their own problems, but many people will want to offer help. It feels good to help someone else. If a friend offers to watch your kids, say yes. If they offer to pick up food for you, even better. If someone calls to check in, go ahead and open up. Let yourself cry. Sometimes a good conversation with a friend can help so much!
3. Use paper plates. Use paper bowls. Use plastic utensils. Remember – you’re in survival mode, not save the planet mode.
4. Cook very simple meals. Instant oatmeal & cereal for breakfast, frozen food, microwaveable in 5 minutes food! These things are your new BFF right now. Easy is key. You kids will not care at all. And this is a short term survival phase, not the rest of your life. It gets easier, I promise!
5. Say no to birthday parties, holiday parties, and events that are not huge priorities and may involve lots of people you don’t know well. Yes, your kids will be distracted, but you may have a hard time navigating the social scene when your life is so stressful. It will be very hard to act “normal” and make small talk with people you don’t know! Additionally, events like this are full of married couples and families, and it’s hard to be around that when your marriage is falling apart. I learned the hard way, after attending a birthday party and watching the parents help the little boy blow out his candles. It was an awful visual reminder of what I had lost. My eyes welled up and my heart broke. I completely fell apart. After that, I kept social gatherings to immediate family, which was so much easier for me!
6. Listen to uplifting music! I listened to the christian music station, Air 1 Radio, on Pandora for hours a day. The words were uplifting and hopeful, and I felt that God was speaking words of encouragement to me- telling me I would get through this. Music can vastly improve your mood and set you on the right path. Vice versa, sad music can make you feel sad. So just be aware of what you are listening to!
7. Ask friends or family to help with the kids. Even if it’s just so you can go cry for 20 minutes! You need a break. A lot of breaks! If you feel up to it, go outside and walk for 10 minutes. That helps relieve stress and anxiety – which is so important!
8. Play with your kids. Yes, you read that right. I noticed when I was focused on making art projects with my daughter or board games with both kids, I was distracted from the pain and exhaustion of my situation. It allowed me to be in the moment, forget about my pain, and see that my life still had joy in it even if most of the time it felt like the end of the world.

Part of my own survival mode included getting dressed each morning and putting on some makeup every day. If that sounds weird, think of it as putting on your survival uniform. Every time I did this, it felt like I was taking care of ME! (Plus, it helped hide the dark circles under my eyes so I didn’t scare myself in the mirror)

To be honest, it was humiliating and excruciatingly painful to find out my husband had been lying to me for so long. I felt like a fool. But – when I looked at myself in the mirror I realized that he was the fool. I would be fine. I held my head up high, knowing I was honest. I didn’t cheat. I have integrity. I am an awesome mom. And I was a good wife, who was betrayed by the man I trusted most. So I reminded myself of these things each day until life became less exhausting. And at that point I realized I had made it through the worst storm of my life.

And so will you.