Divorced Families: When Your Kids Vacation Without You

Free time? Yes please, says any parent out there.

Free time because your ex is taking the kids on vacation?

Cue the tears. Break out the tissue box.

Well yes, that does change things up. And not in a good way.

It’s not fun to send your kids off on a vacation when you’re divorced. Divorced vacations mean you don’t know what your kids are doing. It means you don’t know the details, you don’t know who they are with.

You just pray that they are safe and taken care of, all while verrrrrrry far away from you.

It’s not fun.

The reality of vacations after divorce

I cried the first time my kids left on vacation. They were 3 and 4. But an hour after they left, my good friends flew into town to hang out.

An excellent distraction, (and pre-planned thanks to the great advice of my therapist!)

The second time they left on vacation was a few months later, on Christmas Day. Again, I was surrounded by family and that was a great distraction.

Are you picking up on a common theme?

Third time, I thought, I’ve got this. I’ve done it before. I know how to distract myself!

That vacation when I forgot to plan

As it turns out, this was the hardest goodbye.

Probably because I mistakenly assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal. I dropped off my kiddos and gave them huge hugs. Then, knowing I didn’t want to head home to an empty house, I drove to the mall. Retail Therapy and errands should distract, right?

Well, I was partially correct. I picked up my online purchase and was easily distracted by how weird the new covid shopping experience was, with lines outside every store.

However- once I got back in the car….

my strength crumbled

my face crumpled

and I gripped the steering wheel as tears fell fast and furious.

My kids are my world. And 6 days felt like an eternity– not the nice break I had been looking forward to as an exhausted mom.

So I drove home, feeling sorry for myself. I frantically drew up new plans for the week. Then I walked in my house and cried some more.

The cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea.

Isak Dinesan

BUT- I realized I had the tools to help myself. I’ve been in this situation before, and I survived.

The vacation solution

I texted a few friends. I knew I needed to get out of the house. I lined up a walk that afternoon with a good friend, and another friend offered to come over that night and hang out.

Was I slightly embarrassed that I needed so much support?

Yes. But that didn’t stop me from asking.

And that’s the beauty of listening to your heart, and listening to what you need. That’s also the beauty of friendship. To create connections with others by opening up your heart. By listening to a friend, and asking them to listen to you. By bonding over laughter, tears, and shared experiences.

I’m happy to share that yesterday – a day that started off terrible– turned itself around. Or rather, I helped turn it around with some outside help .

What could be better than a great walk followed by a girls night, wine, and gabbing about our mutual post – divorce dating stories?! Not much, I tell you.

Yes, we are all different. We are all unique. But many of us share common experiences. And connection through common experience can minimize loneliness.

So here’s my advice: Divorce is hard. It’s confusing. Even when you think you’ve figured it out, something new pops up, like your kids going on vacation and sends you spinning.

So when this happens, because it will, accept your feelings. Don’t tell yourself you should be fine. Acknowledge how you feel, then figure out how to make yourself feel better. And then keep moving forward.

Because you will persevere. And you will be stronger than you ever thought possible!

And finally, all vacations come to an end. Thank goodness.