The “first year” holidays – surviving & creating my NEW path
I was caught off guard this year when realizing how difficult each holiday would be after separating from my husband. (The first few holidays were incredibly emotional: Valentines Day, Easter, Mother’s Day. All of those holidays that you take for granted when you’re married. They all changed for me this year, and became huge reminders of how different my life is now that I’m getting divorced.
Last week was Halloween, another holiday when custody and holiday schedules get complicated. Thankfully I had this kids this year and was able to take them trick or treating, although that won’t happen every year. I can’t even get started on that thought right now, or I’ll use up every tissue in my house! (sniffle)
Every holiday brings back the memories from the previous years, the memories as a family, and the holidays shared before kids. It’s so hard in those moments to put on a smile and surround myself with married couples. It makes me sad and angry at my former husband, that he chose infidelity, lies, and betrayal. He chose to destroy our family and everything that came with it. No apologies, no regrets, no remorse. While I can say that I’m glad I found out about the affair, losing so much of my life and my future dreams is still incredibly sad.
But getting through each holiday by myself teaches me something new, and this is is the silver lining. This month I learned that even though I’m generally happy on a day to day basis, holidays continue to be a huge reminder of how different my life is now.
I’ve learned that the best way to prepare for the next holiday is to acknowledge that it WILL be difficult, but it also enables me to start new traditions with my little family of three. This is a fresh start for us! Will I get through it? Yes, of course I will. Because I’ve gotten through everything that’s been thrown at me this year, and it’s been the most difficult journey of my life. Yet despite whatever each day throws at me, I go to bed knowing that the next day is a new day, a fresh start in this new “single mom” life. And I’ll create a path for the three of us that I’m proud to walk down.
Psalm 16:11 “You will show me the path of life”
